OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
