i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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