Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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