he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The uberlube is also flammable
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
