i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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