Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
