i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the day after is always just damage control
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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