the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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