thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
