i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
