"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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