umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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