I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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