I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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