Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
