Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
