New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
