I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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