he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
