well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
