My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
