Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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