when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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