If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
