You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
