i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
