I love watching others lives come down to our level.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
