That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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