Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
