i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
