Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
