whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
