my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
