I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
