It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
