it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
