My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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