The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
