It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
