i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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