so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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