can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
