In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
