Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
