One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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