I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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