he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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