i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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