He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
