So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
